I’m in the process of coming up with a new ‘baby’, this is my first trimester and I am really wondering whether I shall make it through to full term.
Not only am I not eating, I am also spending a huge amount of funds on that which I crave for. Not to mention, impromptu car batt konked. Maize in the shamba needs to be harvested. Security bill arrears were slipped under the door and of course the car needs ‘ngata’ to get me to and fro from work.
But my priority has been especially on this new babe. It will not leave me alone, the pressure it exerts, its persistence to get attention is unabated.
Never has the demands of a ‘thing’ been so important. One cannot escape the responsibility. I am not complaining. I am just explaining. I have always thought that carrying one is hard, but not this hard!
Even proper planning will not prepare one psychologically for the amount of time one takes to just ‘usher’ in the smooth delivery. One cannot phantom, unless one has experienced the day to day changes as it evolves, grows and develops from a ‘dot’ to a ‘something.’ No one tells you that the planning is a personal burden that when you look around for advice, you will get tons. Even as the literature is endless you still will continue to search for the best, the most convenient, the most refined and the most proper approach tirelessly. Up to date, I cannot comprehensively tell you how many renditions, anecdotes, formulae, secrets and power tips I have absorbed.
Ridiculously I forge on, even though my system wants to shut down the excitement urges me on. To learn, explore, experiment, probe and celebrate in this newness.
By the way, writing now (in this blog) is a way of expressing the joy, imagine. My perspective to life too has changed. When I look around me, things start taking a new meaning. Initially I would just look, now I see. The shinny stuff doesn’t really please me any more, it’s the sentimental stuff that triggers a tear.
Its like a turning point. Never has things been so crystal clear. Its like I’m at my sharpest J Some would call this feeling the epitome of self awareness. I tell you this is bigger than riches, fame or love. This is attuning to your nirvana (hata sijui what to call it). Let me explain a little further…
No longer do you have to wonder what life has to offer. You have found the answer. What you are experiencing feels totally right. No longer do you have to ask yourself whether people will like it or not. You just know its good for you. No longer do you care whether you shall be judged by it, no, its not their feeling, neither is it their business.
You suddenly realize that of all things that you have accomplished this was what was going to be your biggest test and triumph. It is the one fundamental thing that makes you who you are, that masterpiece signature of your life that you have been preparing for all your life and you know you need to do it right, no matter what.
Nope, you cant undo and go back, it is a decision that once you initiate, it unravels like a ball of yarn. All one can do is pray and hope that all goes well when the end is near. The best part is the journey….
Every step is a milestone; every tiny progress is worth a celebration. Sleepless nights are spent strategizing for tomorrow. Because the taste of what is to come is oh so sweet. The hurdles are just small challenges that are there to keep you focused. ‘Aha, you have changed?’ You smile shyly and say to yourself, if you only knew half of what I am going through. But you politely ask, ‘How?’. They cannot put a finger to it. Then you smile again, this time knowingly…
Borrowing from the parable of the mustard seed, great thing grow from small beginnings. And they also say humble beginnings are usually sobering especially when one makes it to the top. Keep yourself grounded in what is fundamentally good. Start with a small good gesture, favour or sacrifice; make it a habit and you shall soon start to see the fruits of goodness. Indeed it’s the good things in life that are free. Remember that even in our profession, work done out of love shows through as those extra hours spent and the effort to get it precisely right manifest in the fabric of the creative.
And most importantly, never give up on a goal you truly believe in, because it may be at that point when you were planning to give up that it was going to take a turn for a success. At this point I especially want to acknowledge the work of a good friend, who is doing what he loves most and is great at it. Catch his work on www.afpresents.com. Truly inspiring and I believe that his work will be given the attention it deserves.
1 ‘verbstract’ is borrowed from a twitter username of an admirable Kenyan creative, graphics whiz and social media influencer. I felt his username would make an ideal title for my piece. Asante Poj J